Shoebox (wormquartet) wrote,
Shoebox
wormquartet

My bestest PayPal story ever...

A true story from years ago that I don't think I've ever told here:

At one point I used to have a side business fixing up old video game systems and selling them on on eBay . But between the day job and the band and the family, I eventually didn't have much time to devote to this, and started selling stuff only sporadically.  At some point during my initial decline in sales, I received the following note from PayPal:

–(snip)–

> Dear (My real name),
>
> As a high-volume PayPal member in good standing, you have
> been receiving our Merchant Rate of 2.2% + $0.30 on all
> incoming payments. Members with Merchant Rate pricing are
> asked to keep their payment volume above $1,000 per month.
>
> Our records show that your payment volume has dropped below
> $1,000 for two consecutive months. As a result, you will
> now be charged the Standard Rate of 2.9% + $0.30.
>
> Once you have brought your payment volume back over $1,000
> per month, please re-apply for Merchant Rate pricing from
> the PayPal website.
>
> Some ways to increase your payment volume:
>
> -Get listed in PayPal Shops
> -Place a PayPal Shopping Cart on your website
> -Become PayPal Preferred
>
> For more information, just login to your PayPal account.
>
> Thank you for using PayPal!
>
> Sincerely,
> The PayPal Merchant Account Team
–(snip)–

I was rather taken aback by this. They'd been a FREE service, they'd only recently become a PAY service, and now they were gonna raise my rate AGAIN? Anyways, I’d written to them before about various issues and their responses had always seemed kinda out there…like they hadn't even bothered reading my mail. So to test this theory, I sent them the following letter:

–(snip)–
Dear PayPal,

I had a REALLY good grilled chicken sandwich for lunch the other
day. It was juicy and tastily-marinated, and it was on a fresh-baked
roll, and it came with some seriously fantastic onion rings.

I really enjoyed it.

Thanks,
(My real name)

P.S. “PayPal” backwards is “LapYap.”
–(snip)–

A few days later, I got the following response (note that they even included my original e-mail in their response.)

–(snip)–
Dear Mr. (My real last name)

Thank you for contacting PayPal.
We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience that may have occurred
with
your account due to the erroneous downgrade to the Standard Rate.
Our intent was to advise you of our payment volume requirements for the
Merchant Rate. Unfortunately, your account was incorrectly downgraded.
Your
account has been adjusted back to the Merchant Rate.
We value your continued business with PayPal and look forward to
servicing
all of your online payments!
If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact us
again.

Sincerely,
Joe
PayPal Merchant Account Department
Original Message Follows:
————————-
Dear PayPal,

I had a REALLY good grilled chicken sandwich for lunch the other

day. It was juicy and tastily-marinated, and it was on a fresh-baked
roll, and it came with some seriously fantastic onion rings.

I really enjoyed it.

Thanks,
(my real name)

P.S. “PayPal” backwards is “LapYap.”
–(snip)–

WHY. DID. THIS. WORK?!??!?

Not sure I have an answer, but this experience gave me a new rule that has vastly improved my life: When you get an aggravating form letter from somebody, DESCRIBE A SANDWICH AT THEM!

-=ShoEboX=-
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