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Below are the 1 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Shoebox" journal:
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07:43 am
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Traffic fun
I pull out of a parking lot this morning (Wegmans - I wanted a goddamn bagel,) wait at a red light, and, when no cars are coming for a bit, make a right turn onto a 4-lane road.
Seconds later, a gigantic SUV - which was far away at the time I made the turn, mind you - comes screaming up behind me, almost hitting my bumper, and the lady inside starts freaking out - throwing her arms around and screaming god-knows-what, with the apparent implication that I should be going 65mph despite the fact that it's a 35mph zone and I'm approaching a red light.
I decide to mock her, so I start throwing my arms around like Dr. Octopus on crack while my brain starts trying to work out whether I have room in my tiny car to get myself into a decent position to moon her. But before I can work out the logistics, she flips me off - AND TAKES THE NEXT TURN, ABOUT 1/8 OF A MILE UP THE ROAD FROM WHERE I GOT IN FRONT OF HER. I inconvenienced this speed demon for a total of maybe 15 seconds, and for this she flipped out like I had just set her baby on fire.
It's this last realization that was the clincher as far as my mood. I started playing various scenarios in my brain, ranging from "instead of throwing my arms around wildly, I should have called upon my moderate ASL knowledge and signed 'EAT A BAG OF BATTERED SKUNK VAGINAS, BITCH!'" to "I should have turned around, followed her down her side road, gotten out of my car when she got out of hers, summoned some tears, and guilted the fuck out of her with a story about my wife having just died four days ago and how I'm now the single parent of legless siamese twin crack babies trying to get by at my job cleaning the video booths at a 24-hour gay porn shop with a toothbrush, and they only pay me in store credit so my family subsists on a diet of edible thongs and gummi penises."
I finally settled into just hoping she has a heart attack and dies today (sure, she might just be having a bad day, but I'm not a particularly forgiving person - particularly when it comes to people I do not know personally who have irritated me without me having done anything to deserve it.) But as this outcome is unlikely despite her obvious stress level, I will instead have to be contented with posting this here in the hopes that a handful of my friends and fans of Worm Quartet will read it, and thus multiple people across the world who have never met and will never meet this woman will think "God, what a cunt."
-=ShoEboX=-
Tags: nofump
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