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February 13th, 2007
09:01 am

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FuMP Day!!!
Ready for yet another hot moist wad of FuMP dropping right on your big stupid face?

FuMP DAMMIT FuMP!!

Today's contribution is from ME and is yet another slab of wonderfulness to entice you to buy my new CD. It features Curt Allen on (GASP!) GUITAR!

And you're gonna want lyrics, aren't you?


I Want To Be Taken Seriously As An Artist

Jimmy had a punk band
They were notorious for fitting the name of a female body part in every song
Their demo tape, "Rape-A-Saurus," featured tracks like "Kill The Dutch" and "Suck On My Tumor, Bitch"
They signed to a major
And the kids loved their stuff when they went on tour with New Found Glory
They were carving a new niche, opening doors for raunch rock, and the Meatmen reformed again

But Jimmy started hanging out with Jello Biafra
And Dee Dee Ramone's will bequeathed him all of his drugs
Then he teamed up with Enya and traded in his guitar for a lute and a Casio
And put out his new-age concept album "Tears Of Bin Laden: A Jihad Of Love"

He said "I want to be taken seriously as an artist
"There's more to me than you've ever seen, I'm not limited by your perception
"I want to be taken seriously as an artist
"I still wear that big spiked strap-on on stage, but as a metaphor for U.S. oppression"

Fifi was a pop star
She rocked the headset mic and shook her supposedly-natural wink-wink-nudge-nudge "virgin" mombags
The Billboard Top 40 was packed with 38 of her tracks and a couple new Tupac songs
With hits like "Let's Not Ruin It By Doin' It" and "I'm Not Ready To Hold Hands Yet"
She had her name on lunchboxes, posters and t-shirts and perfumes and tampons and pruning shears
But she decided the world needed to see the real Fifi
Who was apparently a brain-dead whore who'd gladly do anyone
She dated Marilyn Manson, dumped him for Madonna, dumped her for the corpse of Curt Cobain
She'd show up on the red carpet wearing nothing but a thong and two well-placed wads of chewing gum

She said "I want to be taken seriously as an artist
"And you can only achieve true artist status by banging everyone in your respective scene
"I want to be taken seriously as an artist
"I can't be a good girl forever, I mean my God, I'm almost fifteen!"

If I linger 'round too long, will this desire catch up with me?
Will there be "An Evening Of Worm Quartet With The London Symphony?"
Will "Worm Quartet: Unplugged" be a reality some day?
Will it just be me pressing buttons on my keyboard and bitching that the damned thing just won't play?

Fifi formed a punk band
Made up of studio musicians with models to play them in her videos
Somehow her fanbase was left behind
Jimmy is a pop star
Shirtless on Seventeen and posing and pouting and singing with his new boy band
Somehow his fanbase was left behind

They said "We want to be taken seriously as artists
"If you don't like our new stuff you're not real fans, we never needed you anyway
"We want to be taken seriously as artists
"But in a few years we'll go back to our roots to make sure we never fade away
"And we'll see you again someday
"Yes we'll see you again someday
"When our fortunes are pissed away
"In a small club in East L.A.
"Opening for Worm Quartet"

Copyright 2006 Timothy F. Crist

-=ShoEboX=-

(17 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments
 
[User Picture]
From:eye_ar_smaurt
Date:February 13th, 2007 02:33 pm (UTC)
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I thought it was the "Funny Music Project," not the "ShoEboX Music Project."

Either way, great song.
[User Picture]
From:wormquartet
Date:February 13th, 2007 03:25 pm (UTC)
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This isn't the last you'll see of me this month either. :)

Glad you enjoyment the musics.

-=ShoEboX=-


[User Picture]
From:eye_ar_smaurt
Date:February 13th, 2007 06:20 pm (UTC)
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I do! I do enjoy your musics that all sound the same :)

Much like most of the other artists, I didn't really like your songs until I actually got the CD. I tend to like songs that other people don't so I never hear them all on D Radio. Like Get a Real Dog, One Second Ghost, and I'm Bored.
[User Picture]
From:eye_ar_smaurt
Date:February 13th, 2007 06:45 pm (UTC)
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Oh, Get a Real Dog wasn't on the CDs you sent me. Right, I had someone illegally send me that one.
[User Picture]
From:joyful
Date:February 13th, 2007 03:46 pm (UTC)
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So well-fitting! Last night I fell into a punk-pop coma and spent the whole night listening to Good Charlotte, New Found Glory, Mest & Simple Plan. Last week I was on a boyband binge. Interspersed among there were random Dementia tracks.

this song makes me happy.
[User Picture]
From:breakmanz
Date:February 13th, 2007 04:48 pm (UTC)
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I'd comment on how great the song is and everything...but when I went to check out the site, it was down. NOOOOOO!
[User Picture]
From:wormquartet
Date:February 13th, 2007 08:50 pm (UTC)
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It's back now, dammit.

-=ShoEboX=-
[User Picture]
From:breakmanz
Date:February 13th, 2007 08:58 pm (UTC)
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Well, huzzah, dammit! I finally got it and listened to it just now. *bows before the presence of the Mulleted One* Great job as always, my large-and-in-charge friend!
[User Picture]
From:trickykris
Date:February 14th, 2007 12:59 am (UTC)
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I haven't had a chance to hear it yet, but the lyrics are awesome!

[User Picture]
From:weirdojace
Date:February 14th, 2007 02:07 am (UTC)
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This song has a guitar.

That means I can finally take you seriously as an artist.
[User Picture]
From:wormquartet
Date:February 14th, 2007 03:34 pm (UTC)
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TIMBRE NAZI!!!

-=ShoEboX=-
[User Picture]
From:wwetuesday
Date:February 14th, 2007 02:31 am (UTC)
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So when do officially change your name to SoaPboX?

The song is excellent, as always. Try to fit in into the Marscon set.
[User Picture]
From:wormquartet
Date:February 14th, 2007 03:34 pm (UTC)
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Heh. I actually had a column called "ShoEboX's Soapbox" in a political e-zine several years ago.

The articles are unreadable for the most part, and scream "Hi, I just heard Jello Biafra for the first time and now I know everything!"

-=ShoEboX=-
From:glitchphil
Date:February 14th, 2007 10:11 am (UTC)
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Good FuMPin'
[User Picture]
From:wormquartet
Date:February 14th, 2007 03:32 pm (UTC)
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Thankee, silly bearded dancy man!

Luke and I decided we want you in our audience(s) all the time from now on, by the way. So please keep a close eye on our tour schedules and buy plane tickets as necessary.

-=ShoEboX=-
From:glitchphil
Date:February 14th, 2007 10:30 pm (UTC)
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I'll do my best, sir. Most the time, if Rob's there I am there.

Also, may I add "Silly Bearded Dancy Man" to my resume?
[User Picture]
From:wormquartet
Date:February 18th, 2007 12:27 pm (UTC)
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Most assuredly.

-=ShoEboX=-
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